Below are some characteristics that might identify a potential batterer or abuser:
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Extreme dependence on relationships.
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Rationalization of his/her own violence, denial of the severity of the abuse or denial that the abuse occurred at all.
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Rigid sex roles, believes men are superior and should be in charge of women.
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Impulsive in decision-making.
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General possessiveness and jealousy, which can reach pathological levels.
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Focuses on fear of losing partner, often imagines partner is having an affair.
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Not open to hearing options or rational explanations.
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Tries to isolate partner from friends, family, and co-workers.
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Difficulty in identifying and expressing feelings and oppression of emotions.
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Sees violence as a problem solver and tension release
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May be mystified that the law should object. (“After all, it is my spouse”.)
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May not feel guilty or ashamed, minimizes or denies the abuse.
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May have affairs.
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Witnessed/experienced family violence while growing up
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Unrealistic expectations of self, partner, family, etc.
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“Jekyll and Hyde” personality.
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Impulsive with explosive personality, flies into rages unexpectedly.
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Rigid style of demanding and controlling behaviors.
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Sees only short-term horizons, ignores/doesn't see long-term consequences of abusive behavior.
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Personality disorder(s).
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Criminal record.
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Sometimes becomes more abusive when the partner is pregnant or shortly after she gives birth.
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May display addictive behaviors (alcohol, drugs, overeating, gambling).
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Puts blame on spouse/companion and accepts little responsibility for own behavior.
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Is extremely manipulative.
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If in counseling, is primarily interested in keeping partner in the relationship, not in changing self.
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Will end counseling as soon as partner returns or a new relationship is established.
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Without counseling, will repeat the violence since there is no basic change in functioning.
