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Effects of Domestic Violence on Children as Related by Their MothersThe following stories are told by mothers whose children witnessed domestic violence. ANNETTEThe kids were carrying a terrible secret. If they talked, they would lose their dad, and they would be responsible for "breaking up" the family. If they didn't talk, they felt like they were taking part in my abuse. The kids were torn to pieces by the time we left him. And even that didn't end it. Every time he had visitation, he'd grill them about me and he was always trying to make them choose between him and me. He'd coach them on things he wanted them to say to me and then they'd have to decide, "Should I say it or not?" He tried to turn them into weapons in his war on me. JOCELYNOne morning after my husband left for work, my sons were in their room and as I cleaned the kitchen, I realized that they were role-playing one of our fights. My youngest called his brother a "rotten cunt" and I wanted to die. Over the years, the imitation continued. The older one wanted to beat up his dad for me and tried on a few occasions. But the younger one walked around the house calling me a fat pig. Eventually, he started to hit me. That was too much. It opened my eyes. I wouldn't tolerate this behavior from an eight-year old, so why was I tolerating it from my husband? I realized that my kids were growing up with a totally distorted image of what a family is, what a normal mom is, what a normal dad is, what love is. They'd already learned to disrespect victims, to disrespect me. CHERYLOne day my husband laid into me because I was delayed at the church and I wasn't home with dinner on the table when he came in from work. He cursed me out and carried on, and afterwards, my son said to me, "I'd be mad, too, if I came home and my wife wasn't there." He was only nine years old. I hated the way he thought about women and the way he talked to me, and I realized that if we stayed there, he was going to wind up thinking and acting just like his father. From When Love Goes Wrong: What to Do When You Can't Do Anything Right, by A. Jones and S, Schecter, 1992, Harper Collins.
A Safe Place provides individual and group counseling to child witnesses of domestic violence in both the residential and nonresidential programs. Read more information about our Children's services. If you would like more information about A Safe Place and the programs we provide, please call us at 847-731-7165 or email us at info@asafeplaceforhelp.org. |
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The 24-hour HELP LINE, 847-249-4450; TTY 847-249-6557, can provide assistance in accessing services. Related Children and Domestic Violence Tips and Articles
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Everyone has the right to a violence-free, safe and healthy life. Copyright ©2001-2007 A Safe Place. All rights reserved. |
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