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Teen Dating, Good Decisions

What is violence in a relationship?

Violence and abuse often go unrecognized in a dating relationship or marriage.

Abuse may include any of the following:

  • Physical abuse: slapping, kicking, hitting, hair pulling, biting, shoving.

  • Verbal abuse: verbal belittling and name-calling to humiliate and to destroy self-confidence.

  • Emotional abuse: threatening to harm, controlling behavior, isolating a victim from family and friends, throwing or breaking objects, destroying property.

  • Sexual abuse: unwanted, forced, or manipulated sexual activity.

Click here for Teen Dating Violence Statistics

What do you think?

Answer "Yes" or "No" to the following questions:

  1. Is jealousy a sign of love? Yes   No

    No. Many teens think jealousy is very flattering and, therefore, is a sign of love. It is about control and insecurity.

  2. When your date says "no", he/she actually means "yes". Yes   No

    "No" means "No" and "Yes" means "Yes" wherever you go, however you dress.

  3. Girls like boys who make all the decisions. Yes   No

    No. Look out for a boy who decides everything. He wants to control rather than have a good time. It should be a mutual agreement.
  4. It's normal to spend all of your free time with your partner. Yes  No

No. Even when you are  involved in a relationship, it is  vital to keep strong relationships with friends and family, as well as continuing to participate in activities you love.

What can you do?

If your friend is being hurt, here are some things you can do to help:

  • Show concern and support and respect for recognizing the problem.

  • Reassure your friend that nobody deserves to be abused.

  • Suggest talking to a trusted adult such as a teacher, guidance counselor or school psychologist, or calling one of the agencies listed below.

  • Realize that the situation won't change overnight.

  • Share the information on this web page with someone who may need it.

  • Don't pressure your friend to end the relationship. This will only deter them from coming to you for advice in the future. Also, by leaving their partner, your friend is increasing their risk of being physically hurt by their abuser.

  • Don't blame your friend for the abuse. Violence is a choice that was made by the abuser; the victim is never to blame for that person's poor decision making.

  • Don't place conditions on support you give to your friends. Example: I can't hang out with you anymore if you can't stand up for yourself.

If your friend is hurting someone else, here are some things you can do to help:

  • Don't laugh or encourage behavior that is hurtful, harming, belittling, or degrading. You're just validating that behavior.

  • Encourage your friend to get help.

  • Speak up when you see your friends being abusive. Don't let their violence go unnoticed.

  • Make sure your friend knows their behavior is NOT okay.

  • Call the police if you ever witness physical violence. You may be able to do this without the other person knowing it was you, and an arrest could result in mandated counseling.

  • If your frind witnessed or experienced abuse as a child, let them know that this could be affecting their own relationship, and to reevaluate.

Everyone deserves to be protected, respected, and accepted.

What are the danger signs?

Are you going out with someone who:

  • Angers easily

  • Is extremely jealous.

  • Displays violent behavior to other people and other things.

  • Enjoys weapons and watching violence.

  • Criticized you frequently - your appearance, intelligence, ability to make decisions.

  • Humiliates you in public.

  • Isolates you - doesn't allow you to see your friends or family.

  • Wants you to spend all of your time with him/her; needs to know where you are at all times.

  • Tries to control your behavior.

  • Invades your privacy by looking through your phone, locker, bag or wallet without your permission; or pressures you into letting them look through your belongings.

  • Blames you for his/her problems.

  • Says he/she can't live without you.

  • Feels they have rights over you.

  • Constantly accuses you of being unfaithful.

  • Threatens you; makes you afraid of what he/she will do if you end the relationship.

Information from: The Illinois Attorney General & National Resource Center on Domestic Violence.

Local Agencies That Can Help

A Safe Place/Lake County Crisis Center
Free confidential services for teens
24-hour help line
(847) 249-4450
(847) 249-6557 (TTY)

 
  • Telephone and private counseling
  • Support groups
  • Orders of protection

Connection-Student Hot Line
Confidential 24-hour hot line
1-800-310-1234

Zacharias Center
Rape and sexual assault crisis services
(847) 872-7799
(847) 244-1367 (TTY)

Child Help National Abuse Hot Line
1-800-4ACHILD
1-800-2ACHILD (TTY)


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24-hour hotline: 847-697-2380

Ayuda en espanol: 847-697-9740

Related Domestic Violence Safety Tips

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A Safe Place - Lake County Crisis Center

Everyone has the right to a violence-free, safe and healthy life.
Help Line: 847-249-4450 • Office: 847-731-7165 • TTY: 847-249-6557

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